Where Am I (Mentally)?

What did I do today?  Well, I sat on my kister and flipped the channels between CSI and First 48.  I should be able to apply for a position in forensics at the end of the week!  But seriously, I have no life and no job.  I don't want to do anything but sit here and feel sorry for myself.  So, don't call and say "what did you do today?" or "did you get that job?".  My answers would be the same today that they were yesterday; nothing and no, but I will let you know if I do get a job.

What I would like to say is that if you are happy with what you are doing and don't need any additional education, then don't go to school and rack up student loans.  I can't believe that when I did go to school four years ago for a Bachelor Degree in Accounting I had to take out a personal loan because we were making too much money.  Now that I am "poor" and "jobless" I still have to pay back a 13% personal loan and two federal loans totaling more than $400 a month.  This just doesn't seem right and to top it all off; I live in a small town where people keeps their jobs forever and there just isn't anything.  So, I continue working online as an independent contractor because that is all I can find.

You may think that this gives you the freedom of working from home, but when you are stuck at home 24 hours a day and sit in front of your computer for most of that waiting for a job to come through, the glory of being self employed is taken from the equation.   I would gladly give my degree back if it meant that I would no longer have to pay my loans.  What about that anyways?  You can return a shirt to the store because it doesn't fit, but you can't return an education that isn't doing you any good.

For those thinking; get off your butt and find a job, there has to be something you can do, etc.  There isn't and I've tried.  I am cranky and, honestly, tired of playing the never ending game of finding a job that no longer exists.  You remember, that job you had so much fun doing and everyone you worked with was awesome.  It seems those jobs are long gone and so are those employers.

So, for today, this is where I am mentally.